Thursday, September 24, 2009

sometimes i d like to ask myself. wad m i. i wonder if u still read my blog. if u do. could i have a message just to know. i usually prefer answers to my questions that dont include grey areas.

i wish i maintained a more vibrant social life. maybe it would help me get over this better. maybe its cus i dont have much of a social life. thats why i m feeling this way. i hate the sian feeling that the hot sun usually brings when it shines into my room, feels lonely too. sometimes i feel like my office and i. my own little world. abit enigmatic. i enjoy my private domain but i equally loathe it.

all i feel like doing now is playing soccer and drowning myself in linkin park.

sadly, after points of authority. my december started making me feel more emo.

the imagery that played out in my mind, u in a dress or the stylish look thats becoming synonymous with u. sitting on a high stool, in a dimly lit place of classy ambience, an expensive drink that he would have paid for unless u insisted on dutch. enjoying conversation, smiling, getting home late cus u went out with a member of the opposite sex. its irks me, that the experience is not one thats being shared with me.

maybe its the kinda aggression that frustrates u, pisses u off or scares u. but if i play tmr, and he was my opponent. i regret to inform u that he ll be eating alot of grass [thats probably my best efforts to sound mild], no guarantees he ll come off the field with both feet intact even tho that ll only be my secondary objective after winning the match. sadly, he wont be my opponent tmr and i ll be striving my utmost best not to let someone else take his fall. apart from hitting my fingers on the table to produce a rhythm of a sixteen beat and the occasional spin-na-rooni in my roller chair, i havent done much venting. i told God it hurt alot yesterday. i hope He has extra bags of comfort for me today cus i think i m gonna need it. i m angry that i m not apart of that time with u and i m angry that hes taken my place in that instant.

m i being possessive. i dont know. which is why i constantly ask. wad m i. i m wad i m for pushing u away. so hu else have i to blame right. but i miss u. and i m on the fringes of going insane. maintaining the professional outlook that my job demands, not crumbling in front of others cus i dont know wad those around me might think, out of fear that they may not empathise or understand. its all taken its toil in the 48 hours since the last conversation.

|cowpoo| 4:27 PM|

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